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Silence

The silence is ripping me apart
The pressure sharp on my heart
Never have I ever felt this much pain before
I wish they would not refrain anymore

One week or more has passed
This was never in my forecast

I know only a few reasons why
I wish they would better clarify
That knowledge would set me free
All this seems very childish to me

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Posted by on July 25, 2017 in Poems

 

Resolutions Update

Half a year has passed
There is a ton I have done
But wait…there is more 🙂

Personal

  • I got my very first ‘normal’ job.
  • I got my very first programming job as well.
  • I have completed almost all of the challenges and projects in FreeCodeCamp (I’m almost done with the advanced portion; I have only 4 challenges and 4 projects left.)
  • I made a routine of going out of the house to work on my programming skills.
  • Passed the driver written test…for the third time.

Social

  • Got my first boyfriend…and kiss!
  • Found a bunch of new friends that like to play card games.
  • Got better at making small talk.

Creative

  • Made a few short videos. (Cookie Drama, Petreefied, and Rough Exterior)
  • Played a little on my ukulele.
  • Sewed on a fox and stitched zig-zags onto my jeans.
  • Painted with acrylic paints.

IMG_5680

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2017 in Rambles

 

Do lizards menstruate?

Of course they don’t! They aren’t mammals, they are reptiles, and reptiles do not menstruate.

I was walking to my favorite coffee shop to work on Histocial. On the way there, I stumbled upon a lizard. I stared at it for a while. It was lying there, with a significant trail of blood behind it. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. The blood trail was so weird! as It was only three inches long. How did that lizard bleed like that? It looked like someone picked it up, slit its underside, and it walked for a little bit and then stopped from the pain.

I saw its front right arm move. I didn’t expect that; it looked really dead. Then, it slithered into the bushes with no blood behind it, as if nothing happened. I was so stunned I couldn’t take pictures of any of that. The least I can do is illustrate it by drawing it with my own pen and paper, but I’m not going to even do that. You will have to use your imagination if you want to see what I saw.

 
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Posted by on April 25, 2017 in Randomness

 

Jealousy

Interacting with all these people,
Wishing they weren’t such sheeple.
Following orders from ones like me,
Trying to avoid jealousy.
Talking to their kind the other day,
Made me realize I was gay.
Just kidding; I’m not.
But, that’s probably what you thought.
Jealousy can be controlling to some.
The ones that are controlled, are mum.

 
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Posted by on April 14, 2017 in Poems

 

How to make friends

Out of clay; that’s the only way.

Say “Hi!” to them with a smile on your face. You need to seem friendly if you want to befriend somebody. You may be fiendly if you want a fiend.

Find out what they like to do. Ask them questions. People like being asked about their life, unless they are depressed…then maybe it’s a bad idea, but what do I know. Don’t just ask questions, tell them about your life too. It must be a conversation: a two way lane; one way lanes are frustrating.

Ask their contact (email, phone, fb, etc.)  and ask them when’s the next time they have free time to hangout with you. Tell them when you normally have free time if they have too much free time.

Most people are really lazy, you must be persistent if you want to hangout with them in the near (instead of far or non-existent) future. However, if they reject you two or three times, you should drop it. They are not worth your time and effort. If they want to hangout with you later, be the lazy one. That doesn’t mean you have to reject them. I’m just saying you shouldn’t put too much thought into setting up a date; that’s on them.

 
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Posted by on April 14, 2017 in Advice

 

And that’s what ails me.

The pellet from your gun is in my heart, and that’s what ails me.
I have a void, I cannot fill it. O, how I wish you could see!
It grows deeper and deeper,
As my love for you grows steeper and steeper.
When can we meet; I cannot stand this distance between us.
You may think it doesn’t hurt me, but it definitely does.

Explanation for future self and people reading this:

I said the first line during an improv scene in long-form.

This is how the scene went:

It was set up in the wild west. There was a guy that was about to shoot another guy…but then I (a damsel) got shot instead. I was in the hay for a little bit…had an out of body experience; someone saw my dead body and a ghost. But then I got better and looked for help. I asked a guy on a horse if he could call a doctor or something. He called up a witch (a gender-neutral profession he said) and he was about to do some spell, when a doctor came in and asked me what ails me and I said:

A pellet from a gun is in my soul *took a 3 second pause* and that’s what ails me.

Then he started putting leaches on my arm. He was a very bad doctor.
END SCENE

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2017 in Randomness

 

Happy Birthday To Me!

I just went through my first twelve months of being an adult. This year was seriously the best year I’ve ever lived thus far. I can only imagine my future. The future looks pretty bright from where I’m metaphorically standing right now.

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I wanted to start fresh and cut my hair off right after my birthday, but I couldn’t; I was in Jack And The Beanstalk at the time. I was played Jack’s mom and the ogre’s wife. Both nameless. Sexist, am I right? It’s an old story. So, it doesn’t matter as much.

I got my hair chopped off right before prom at the end of April. That was also when I “graduated” high school. I put “graduated” in quotation marks because I never went to school in the first place and I’m still doing everything I used to do and more. I did, however, get a diploma. Straight A’s. Honor student. My mom went all out on me, teehee.

I grew a lot from when I went to Portland (Oregon) all by myself. I had to supervise myself and buy my own groceries. I was pretty independent at home. The only difference was that if I was stuck someplace in the middle of the night, I couldn’t just call my dad to save me. I had to make sure my cell was charged so that I could call a taxi. Read #6 of this post.

I also grew a lot from living at my grandparent’s house in Michigan. I haven’t posted anything about it yet, but when I do, I’ll try to link it here.

And last, but not least: I got a job! I had pretty much lost hope; I got rejected about 30 times before getting my current job. I’m so happy I got it; I actually like working there! The bosses, coworkers, and customers are all very friendly.

Here’s a bunch of lists for my readers that don’t like to read:

Places I’ve been to for two nights or more:

  1. Monterrey, CA
  2. Portland, OR
  3. Santa Cruz, CA
  4. Lansing, MI

Videos I’ve made:

  1. The Magician
  2. The Wannabe Ball
  3. The Rat That Got Tattered
  4. Cookie Drama
  5. Beautiful Day

Highlights:

  1. Taking a longish walk in one of Santa Cruz’s marsh trails with my dad.
  2. Taking the school bus to Deer Hollow everyday in the summer.
  3. Playing BS with campers after a LONG hike at Rancho San Antonio during DH camp.
  4. Playing 500 Rum with 1 person for 6 hours in the duration of 2 days in Portland.
  5. Having dinner at my friend’s house in Portland.
  6. Spending a whole day with an attractive guy…twice…maybe thrice.
  7. Going to a role-playing sleepover party.

Three cheers for another fun-filled year!

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Posted by on March 22, 2017 in Randomness

 

I got my first job!

I have a real job! I had one for two weeks now! It’s time for me to share some job finding tips with you! You need to have skills. Not that many, but still. You gotta have them skillz!!

Step One: get skilled in the skilling area of skills.

You need to realize what people are looking for in the workforce and then learn how to write it down on your application paper. That was wordy. Learn how to be precise with your words. When you get the interview: you score major points. But that’s not the end! You need to learn how to respond to the interviewer’s questions. Tell them what they want to hear, but at the same time: DO NOT LIE. It will end badly if you do.

What they want to hear:

  • You work well with other people.
  • Are charismatic.
  • Can do basic arithmetic.
  • Reliable.
  • A fast learner and wants to learn.

When you talk about your skills, use examples. Lots of examples.

Of course they might also want some documents from college or years of experience, but I’m sure you can find a nice starter job if you do the five things on my bullet list.

Step Two: be persistent.

Ask your employer about your application if they haven’t interviewed you yet and about how your interview went if you went on one. Don’t ask if they tell you not to. Also, they like it when you ask questions about the job and when you know at least a little about the company.

When you meet the boss:

  • Smile.
  • Shake their hand. (I’ll write a post about this; there’s a science to it.)
  • Tell them you really want to work for them and why.
  • When they talk: listen to what they are saying.
  • Ask questions about what kind of person they are looking for.
  • Be yourself and relax; they can’t hire you if you weren’t you.

I like to write down the names of people I meet into my iPod; I remember faces and names separately. If I see a name and I know it’s one of the bosses, I remember the face.

Do the same for other people in the company; if they like you enough, they’ll put in a good word for you.

Step Three: have an awesome attitude.

That’s about it…

I was lucky when I found my first job. I went by the bar I tried to apply to last year…and then I walked backwards; I thought I might as well try again. And boom: I got hired on the spot. All I did was talk and write down when I’m available! Oh yeah, here’s another step:

Step Four: be available.

This may sound silly to some people. But, I’m a busy person. It used to be hard for me to be available because of how much I want to do at once. I feel like I do more because of my job; when time is scares I tend to use it more wisely.

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2017 in Randomness

 

New Year Resolutions

For people that like haikus:
A new year is here.
A new year for me and you.
Much to see and do.

I’m only going to list the things that I actually want to do, not the things that I could do, but don’t really feel that inclined to do. I’m going to write all these things down and post it on my wall; I heard that if something is in sight, it is in mind, plus you are more inclined to do it.

Personal

  • Be able to do five chin-ups without struggling too much. (July)
  • Eat out no more than once a month. Same goes for sugary drinks like pearl tea.
  • Learn how to juggle with four balls. (May)
  • Learn how to ride my unicycle. (September)
  • Sleep enough at least five nights a week. Optimal: go to bed at 10pm.
  • Learn how to maintain my bike. (May)
  • Learn how to maintain a car. (July)

Social

  • Hangout with at least one person per week.
  • Make a list of all my friends, and invite them to do stuff with me. (January)
  • When I want to say something to someone, I will.
  • I will at least try to like what other people like. Without being fake.
  • I wont force being friends with someone if it’s clearly not working.

Creative

  • Draw a picture everyday in my sketchbook.
  • Practice playing piano and ukulele at least four times a week.
  • Publish a website with the JavaScript programs I made and will make. (February)
  • Sew a dress from scratch that I can actually wear outside. (May)
  • Make a ten minute movie with at least one person. (November)

Other

  • Get a job. (April)
  • Audition for something. (November)
  • Get a driver’s license. (March)
  • Look into what kind of car I want. (June)

I’ll give you an update on how I’m doing when summer solstice comes around.

 
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Posted by on December 30, 2016 in Rambles

 

Without My Beloved Computer

I have decided that I needed a break from my computer. And, just so you know: I don’t exclusively watch videos and read pointless articles on it. I like to edit videos, program, and write on it as well. Although, it is true that I’ve been obsessing over social media a tad bit too much lately. I’m going to change that! I’ll tell you how at the end of my report.

It didn’t go as well as I had hoped. When I woke up, I didn’t get out of bed right away, in fact, I laid there and thought about pointless things for a whole hour before getting out! I thought about the conversations I had with all the different people in my life. I thought about what they had said and what I could have responded with.

I wanted to do something — anything! So, I walked to the park. It was a thirty minute walk. It was freezing! Why was I wearing leggings that day, I still don’t know. My legs were bright red after that walk. I stayed at the park and memorized my lines for the Christmas play I was in. I got very cold…so I migrated to the playground (I thought that, maybe, it would be warmer up there,) where there was still snow at the bottom of each slide from the previous day!

I sat up there and wrote down some things I could do after I get back to California. I decided that it was time to walk back. I walked back. I took a hot shower after that walk to get rid of my freezing cold red legs. It took me a long time to get my skin back to normal. I’m never doing that again…

I think I made cookies that day too, but I’m not sure.

One thing I do know: I talked to my English grandma more than usual; I wanted to make the time go by faster; I wanted to go to bed sooner. I wanted her to start making art again. I wanted us to découpage the electrical outlet plates. That conversation sparked the idea of making a collaborative art book a couple of days later. My grandpa joined in on the fun too! Every day we sit down at our dinner table and draw, then after that we write something that correlates to the drawing. I want the book to be called A Picture, and then the cover to be either a thousand random words or a thousand words that mean something to all three of us.

I still couldn’t fall asleep until 2 or 3 am; that’s my normal now. I played a lot of sudoku; that’s also my normal.


How am I going to start using the computer for only mostly useful things?

  • Get a job.
  • Practice driving.
  • Hangout with friends.
  • Go to meetups.
  • Go to the library or coffee/tea shop when I want to focus on my personal work.
  • Exercise at my awesome gym that I love so much.
  • Do crafty things like sewing, painting nails, and drawing.

I can only do 1.5 out of 6 things on this list right now. I’ll most likely do all of them when I get back to California; all these things are doable and I like doing them.

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on December 25, 2016 in Randomness